.:* you are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow *:.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

i just finished watching "music and lyrics" online yest and im totally hooked onto the featured songs all over again! it was good, really good. now i feel a deeper meaning to the song, and somehow, it totally relates. its like the best love song ever. : )

work has been good. i guess. i changed section once again. 4 down and 2 more to go! im gonna be stuck at haematology for two weeks or so, so i just dug out my dearest mr fraser's lil red book to familiarize myself w those cute lil cells after distant-ing from it for almost 2 yrs! i totally cannot make a peripheral blood film anymore! my smear drags from one end to the other end! so terrible can. need to practise more! and after that, i will have to dig out my yellow book to re-read up on all those antigen antibody shit cos i'll be going to blood banking. my last stop before OJT finishes. i dont know but even a red book can remind so much of you. weird huh.

i just browsed thru the photos in my comp! oh esther, i missed those bangkok days so so so much lah! i wanna go overseas with you again! i want to go overseas so badly! my folks are going to bkk next month and before they're back, my bro is going to tw with his girlfriend! that'll leave me all alone at home.. playing nanny to my little cutest kitty. i'll have to bathe, feed, and clear kitty's poo and pee. i feel so depressed lah. i wanna go overseas too! : (

and i hope you're doing fine over there. i dont know why but even after you told me those things, i felt that i will still wait for you. my mind is still crowded by images of you and our happy memories. our old school days, the genting trip, bangkok, and even the sofitel johore resort! i remember so much abt those days! i know i have let you down badly in the past, hurt u terribly much and did the stupidiest thing by letting you go. i know i will never be forgiven for that, but i just want a second chance to prove that i will make up for everything. i dont feel good enough for you anymore too. but my heart still chooses to miss and tells me that you're probably the missing piece in my life. i was browsing thru our photos and reading all the old entries, i realised i was the happiest when i was with you. and i swear, those days were the best days of my life. ive reached a point where i realised if i find someone i really love, i want to give my everything and build a future with. you formed the biggest part of my happy memories and i really hope to build more memories with you too. i know its not easy to accept me again.. after everything that has happened. ive tried putting myself in your shoes before and i realised i probably will find it hard to forgive after so much. but im quite certain that if i had a chance again, i will grab it tight and never ever let go again cos i know who i really want already. i will be more tolerant, more understanding, more sweet, and become a much better partner. however, the other side of my head tells me to let you go cos you deserves someone much better who can make you happier. maybe you need to try to find other sources of happiness before you decide who you really want to be with forever. i respect that decision cos i really want you to be happy as well. i will be happy if you're happy. and i really hope that u'll be happy. or maybe.. all we need is another chance to try. i wont say a word if things doesnt work out the way we want to, but i just hope tt we can give it one more shot. maybe im just being silly thinking so much. but i just hope that you wont write me off from your life just yet. : ) just rem what i said, i will always be there for you to fall back on no matter what happened. : )

Hugh Grant - Way Back Into Love

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

A rainbow appeared at21:54

***