Wednesday, March 09, 2005
insecurities have been gulfing me up lately.
im not the cheerful, forever-smiling girl u used to know anymore. my mood swings so easily nowadays. ive been thinking alot recently. thinking too much, to be exact. i try not to think so much, but i guess it cant be helped right? suddenly, i feel detached from people. just people.
i hate to feel like this. i think im possessive, in a way. i refrain him from doing things that i do not like, things that would make me feel uncomfty, things that make me think onto the wild side. selfish, maybe i am. i didnt even try to put myself in his shoes, he might like doing those things that i dont like. it never occurred to me that he might be doing those things just to make me happy. lousy gf, i am. im making him do things just to make me happy, to prevent myself from feeling insecured. i think im really selfish. oh well.
recently, i began to dig up questions that have been bothering me ever since eons ago. questions that are unanswered, probably with no answers. i wondered. i thought. i assumed. i sighed. i cried. i wish i could just throw all these into the deep blue sea, and live with him happily ever after. its not my fault that i feel insecure when he does smtg that makes me uncomfty. its not my fault that i get jealous easily. its not my fault that im a not-so-good gf. oh maybe it is.
but even so, i know he still loves me! and i love him tonnes too. =)
A rainbow appeared at21:42***
