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yours truly bitchy sites flatter me!(smilies)

Sunday, September 19, 2004

it has been a rather terrible week for me. the academic sector has become sucky. tests and projects dues are all coming up. i have a rwp test and microbio practical test this week. and theres so much to catch up, esp for math and cell bio. im so dead. i need to be disciplined! i need to focus! its not my fault that i have a short attention span! argh.

smtg happened on tues which bothered me, and affected him as well, for the whole week. baby fell sick on thurs. although he was not feeling too well, he acted like hes perfectly fine and even went to play pool with jiayue and samuel. and when he took his temperature using my thermometer, i was so freaked out. 37.9degrees celsius! i sent him home immediately. sigh he just dont know how to take care of himself, fancy wanting to study even hes ill! stubborn eh. we went to school to do our idea project on fri. i so love the idea centre. i love the crumpler bean chairs! i want one of those! so comfty! we stayed in school for a whole 12hours to do our project! from 8.30am to 8.30pm! like wow! haha.

and we went to watch 'garfield' today. that lazy cat is soo cute. its so weird, i didnt really felt so close to him today, both emotionally and physically, like theres a barrier betw us. he felt it too. i knew i had to tell him, in order to remove that emotional barrier betw us. and so, i told him. i dont know if the barrier is gone already or not, but still, it relieves me, somehow. ive become so vulnerable these days. tears come to my eyes so easily. i hate it. i want to be strong. i dont want to cry so easily. i dont want to feel so weak. i never ever felt so vulnerable before. everytime i told myself not to cry, esp in front of you, i ended up doing so. i thought i could find the strength i thought i had. if only i could play tough, then it wouldnt be so bad. sigh. it felt like today's the only day this week that we really spent time together. so many things happened this week, i dont know what would happen after that. but hopefully, we'd learn from this and grow together. grow even stronger.

darling; i may not be the best gf ever. i may not be the sweetest. i may not be the most understanding one. i may make u worry all the time. i may not always be there when u need me most i may not do things according to your wishes all the time. i might break your heart sometimes. i might say the wrong things at times. i might be unreasonable at times. i might lose my temper at u. i might have frequent moodswings. i might demand too much from u at times. i may not be the girl in your dreams. BUT, you would always be the special and the most important man in my life. id cry for fear of losing you. id do anything for you. i love u too much. you're too good to be true. i wish i would never have to wake up from this dream. i want to live in this dream forever. thank you for everything u've given me, but more to that, thank you in advance for the years to come. we might make mistakes, upset each other with the things we do, but whats important is that we learn from the lessons and never repeat them again. together we can face these trials, tribulations and strife, its going to be tough to get what we want to achieve, but i promise i'll always be here with you through it all. my baby, you mean the world to me. =]