Thursday, August 14, 2003
okay i didnt go to school today. was feeling feverish for the past two days, with constant headaches. and my stomach really hurt last night. the gastric juice churns inside my stomach like in a washing machine. swirling swirling. therefore i decided not to go to school today. that was my decision last night, before i went to bed. but before i wandered into my lala land, i decided that i would go to school today. but i forgot to set my alarm clock! i woke up at near seven, and decided its too late. id be late even if my dad send me to school. so, i went back to sleep again. i really wanted to go back to school today. i wanted to consult ms heng, if i should retake my mt anot. felt like going to school now. sigh. dilemma.
oops did i mention? we got back our chinese o's results today. i got a big fat b3 for my chinese. D for my oral, which i consider it very heartwarming, yet unexpected. honestly, im very disappointed with the results. with myself. my parents were very disappointed too. my mom wanted me to retake. and my dad said, no harm giving it one more try. my bro said, the decision depends on you. i can see it in their eyes that they are really hoping for an a2 at least. my mom was making comparisons betw my bro's results and mine. damn. my bro got a b3 too. but hes always in the c6 d7 range, so my mom was very happy. but for me, she says. ive always in the a range. and i really shouldnt get a b. and ive nvr gotten a b or a2 before. except for the prelims. i got an a2. shucks.
k and now im stuck. on the decision whether to retake or not to. deep down inside, i dont want to. i
hated loved chinese. plus my chinese teacher wasnt really focused on helping us in our o's. she believed that we could study on our own. and that was a false belief. how could we be so motivated to study on our own when our teacher aint really doing much? i shant mention any names. and this is all my personal opinions. i do not mean any harm or insults, whatever. i do admit, i did not put much emphasis on my chinese since the beginning of last yr. maybe its the teacher we got. some may argue, the fault doesnt lie with the teacher, but with yourself. its you who should be motivated to do your own revision, instead of putting the blame on the teacher. i do agree, but. without a good teacher, i, personally, wont be motivated to study hard and ace for that particular subj! i strongly believe that we need a good teacher, in order for us to score. thats me, dependent on others. always. and i admit, i did got complacent. i believed that i could do well. at least, an a2. ive learnt my lesson. nvr to get complacent. =) and i ( my parents too ) really do hope that, if i were to retake. a good teacher would be placed to teach us, this lot. like what ive said, a good teacher and alot of hard work on our part, would surely guarantee good results.
superficially, ive already made a decision. that is, to retake. some might say, im mad. i know. a B really the result ive ever wanted to get, or expected. some are encouraging me to aim for my goal, while many are encouraging me to focus on my other subjs instead. i really dont know if i can cope anot. its only four weeks away to prelims, and now ive got another subj to bother myself with. its not as if im aceing in all my other subjs, my results are going down down and down, like a wet slippery slide. esp emaths and accounts. i dont know. i want to concentrate on these subjs and do well. i really dont wish to retake my chinese. but deep down inside, i know i have to. but i dont want to. get the difference? sigh. im not living to my expectations. my parents' and all those around me. my mom noticed the drastic drop in my results too. she've been very encouraging all these while. including my dad, my bro and all my friends. tanku dears. i shall go and consult ms heng tmr. =)
ms heng, if by any chance, you are reading this. the mc, i might not be able to produce it. but really im sick! last night. =( and i'll go find you tmr alrites? pleasee gimme some advice. heh. study time. =)
A rainbow appeared at10:45***
